A Possible National Gallery Press Release
Posted 1 April 2025 – found in the creative mind of Edward Gildea
We at the National Gallery are proud that we stood up for picture frames and wrecked the lives of two young women who cared about the future of humanity.
There was obviously little chance of tomato soup penetrating the toughened glass of the frame and doing any damage whatsoever to Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, but we managed to obtain an assessment of £5,000 in criminal damage, when, to be honest, a J cloth and a bit of soapy water would have been just as effective.
There was, of course, the “Coulson option” of preserving a fragment of the tomato soup so that future generations, suffering the extreme weather events of climate catastrophe, could learn the role Van Gogh’s masterpiece played in changing public opinion and prompting decisive political action. But we stood shoulder to shoulder with the fossil fuel companies who use all their lobbying power to maximise profits until it is too late. Art, and indeed picture frames, must live on even if there are few left to enjoy it.
Normally, two-year prison sentences are reserved for extreme acts of criminal damage. Most judges would have merely imposed sentences of community service and would be reluctant to wreck the future career prospects of idealistic and sincere young women, but we felt fully justified when the judge said that, “There is nothing peaceful or non-violent about throwing soup.” For all we know, it is being thrown in Gaza.
Today our victory was completed. Just Stop Oil has been disbanded and Greenpeace, facing a $660,000,000 lawsuit, should be next. Art, or at least Picture Frames, have won the day!
This press release was found in the creative mind of Edward Gildea who writes magazine articles for his local church, St Mary’s, Saffron Walden in north west Essex, each month.
Comments on "A Possible National Gallery Press Release"
Ruth Jarman:
That must be it
Edward Gildea:
No response from the National Gallery yet. Maybe because it is an accurate reflection of their views....
Add your own comment to "A Possible National Gallery Press Release"
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Next: Let’s Ban Trophy Hunting
Previous: Dear Kemi
Leave a Reply